Word Association This Mother’s Day: You Say Mother, I Say Mammary

Women seem to be able to get away with alot of things men never could.

I’ve been pulled over many times and can only think of once or twice that I’ve gotten away with just a warning.  My wife can only think of a time or two that she was actually given a citation.

In most relationships, if the woman admits to being curious about visiting a strip club, it will probably lead to an interesting night to remember followed by passionate sex afterwards. If a man admits to wanting to visit a strip club, the night will probably just end with him sleeping alone.

I know in my house, being a woman is like drawing the “Never Take Out The Garbage Again” card in the game of Life. We even have those super elastic kitchen bags with the handy pull strings around the top. It’s as easy as pull and lift. Gravity does the rest. (I suppose this is technically a ‘minor annoyance’ than something most woman could actually get away with…how did I read it recently stated so eloquently…oh yes, “things that maybe you found cute or quirky when you were first together start seeming, well, annoying, after years of exposure.”

(BTW, if you didn’t get that joke, just search wordpress for that exact phrase)

But of all the things women tend to get away with, the most curious is their public license to stuff almost anything in their bra.

I’ve seen woman pull out cell phones, cash, and even valet receipts and hand them to wide-eyed men to deal with.

Just the daily essentials

 I know I’m just a guy, but I can only think of two things that should be slipped into a bra.

I wonder what would happen the next time I was pulled over and the cop asked to see some ID and I shoved my hands down my pants?

As much as women seem to believe that they have a God-given right to slip anything they want into the cups of a bra, I think there should be a limit. Let’s just say we draw the line at live animals, for starters?

Evidently, for at least one woman from Virginia, if you have to appear in court and don’t have time to drop your pet monkey off at the nearest Animal Day Care for the afternoon, just slip the little guy in your bra next to your cell phone. He’ll be alright.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20042141-504083.html

I’ve always said that if I’m going to die, there is a “perfect” way to go, but this is ridiculous. So tell me, dear women who read my blog, would you find it acceptable to slip a live animal in the soft, warm surroundings of your cleavage?

We need to figure this out because I wonder, are all animals able to get a free ride, or are there some that is just going a bit too far?  I mean, suppose suppose we all agree that small mammals such as monkeys and kittens are ok, then what about reptiles?

Birds?

What about a Fish?

Since I do not have a pair of mammarys, the only thing I can compare it with would be the male jock strap.

Suppose I needed to go out for the day and I had to take my “Emotional Support Animal” with me (as long as I had a documented disability) and shoved my support snake in my pants? 

“Sir, we are going to have to ask you to leave our establishment. You are slithering and its disturbing the children.”

(What does this post have to do with Mother’s Day? Not much besides the obvious characteristic common to all mothers. Sorry, it was the best my male brain could come up with today)

Happy Mother’s Day!