I’m Seriously Considering Running For President In 2012 As An Independent Write-in Candidate

Some of you might have seen this picture before. With the whole “Occupy Wall Street” protesters clamoring about the privileged 1% elite, he has become a bit of an icon.

There is talk of making him the new poster boy for the GOP in 2012 much like “Joe the Plumber” became an icon in 2008.

But I think he might be on to something.

Sometimes, the most complex problems have the simplest solutions. For about three years, politicians have been arguing back and forth about a comprehensive solution to our troubled world economy. European markets are crashing all over the place. California went belly up and in New York City, the crowded Occupy Wall Street Hippies can’t even find a place to pee.

Personally, I’m upset that McDonalds took the Double Cheese Burger off the Dollar Menu and I’m willing to storm a MickyD’s until those Cooperate Elitists put back on. How dare the rich Bourgeoisie take away my cheap hamburger! 

But I digress.

I think there might be a way to save our floundering economy, balance our $10 trillion deficit crises WITHOUT rising the taxes on the wealthiest 1% of Americans, pay off our national debt (Mostly to China), make Social Security solvent for the next 120 years and set our country on a path of economic prosperity that will be a model for the world for another generation. 

In fact, I’m so confident that my plan will work; I’m seriously considering tossing my hat into the political ring and run for President in 2012 as an independent write-in candidate. I promise you, my plan for America will work and I will lay it out for you in this blog.

As everyone knows, the fastest way to swell a national treasury without raising taxes is to invade a foreign country and take all of their money. The problem is, this is a little on the grey side, ethically speaking. But what if we could find an unlimited supply of Copper, Silver, Gold and Platinum hordes just waiting to be plundered without all those annoying moral side effects?

My fellow Americans, there is and Yes-We-Can!  (That’s kinda catchy. I might have to use that as my upcoming campaign slogan)

My solution is simple: We simply convert the American Dollar into online role playing game economies such as World of Warcraft gold and make it our national currency.

There are a number of advantages to this that make my plan a lucrative one.

1) Many experts estimate that the economy of World of Warcraft is actually stronger than the Euro and the Dollar combined. As of 2010, Blizzard Entertainment announced that there were over 12 million players worldwide. That is not counting all the Elves, Dwarves, Halflings, Orcs, and Gnomes running around out there, each stuffed like a Hobbit’s pipeweed with gold. This represents a thriving economy that is ripe for the plundering.

2) Though I am proud of my country for not pillaging Iraq and Afghanistan while we were there, we did spend an awful lot of money and have very little to show for it. I don’t know about you, but I’m still paying over $3.00 a gallon for gas. Real war is expensive. Each M1 Abrams Tank cost about $65 Million with basic equipment. With extra armor, weapons, and sights it can cost up to $120 Million and it takes a lot of tanks to go to war.

Plus, they keep getting blown up.

But a Masterwork Elementium Deathblade is only about 10,000 gold pieces (depending on which Korean kid you buy it from) And if you are worried about its stats, keep in mind this puppy is far superior than the Obsidian Executioner. It has a top swing speed of 3.8 and wields a damage of 3,256!

3) Finally, our society can never stomach the brutal realities of a real war, but who would really lose too much sleep if we slaughtered a village of these guys?

Yes-We-Can! 

Yes-We-Can!

Yes-We-Can!

So there it is. My simple, straight forward plan to solving the world’s economic woes; a new plan for the future with limitless possibilities for prosperity, economic growth and the expanse of freedom, democracy and capitalism across the globe. It is morning in America and we have a bright future ahead of us where our greatest warriors will be the very guys we picked on in gym class 15 years ago.

PS: Someone once told me that I have the most odd assortment of Tags they’ve ever seen. I have no idea what they are talking about.

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Stick That In Your Dragon And Puff It.

My heart has been broken many times over the years for many different reasons. Usually it has had something to do with a woman. Once I even loaned my car to the woman I was madly in love with that week so she could go out on a date with another guy.

A few times I’ve had my heart set on a job or a promotion that did not come my way and was very hurt, but… C’est la vie!

Or, as Bon Jovi so eloquently put it: “When the world gets in my face, I say, Have a nice day.

Wait a second…“Have A Nice Day?” Are you kidding me? What ever happened to Bon Jovi?  Consider his response to life in 1990 when he rocked with “Blaze of Glory.” Now he got a hair cut and panders to working married women in their 40’s with 3 kids and a dog. In 1988, if you got in Bon Jovi’s face you’d be scared the man just might actually be wanted, dead or alive somewhere out west.  

Now, he just wishes you to “Have A Nice Day?”

This was the guy could alternately lay on a bed of nails and  roses, for cryin’ out loud.

ATTENTION: To the government agency/alien race that abducted Bon Jovi sometime during his hiatus in the late 90’s, can you please return him?

But of all the things that have broken my heart over the years, such as woman viewing me more like a little brother than a lover, or my favorite rock stars turning soft on me, my latest hurt stings in a different way.

Age.

Not my age. It’s never really bothered me as I’ve gotten older, but strangely enough it is bothering me as my children are growing up. I find myself both swelling with pride and missing the moments that are lost forever all at the same time.

When my son was younger I would often sing to him. His favorite song was “Puff, the Magic Dragon.” It’s a beautiful little bitty ditty about a little boy who has a magical friend named ‘Puff” and the two would have amazing adventures together. (No, the song is not about pot, so don’t even go there) I would sing this song for him almost every night before he fell asleep. I even burned this song on a CD for him and he would have me play it over and over again while we waited for his mother to shop.

“Play it again, Daddy!”  So I would. I never minded listening to this song 5-6 times in a row. Besides, sometimes his mother took awhile to shop.

Puff, the magic Dragon, lived by the sea and frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee. Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sails, Jackie kept a lookout perched on Puff’s gigantic tail. Noble kings and princes would bow whene’er they came. Pirate ships would lower their flags when Puff roared out his name.”

There were many nights I would watch him as his eyes would begin to flicker in REM sleep. I couldn’t help but wonder what adventures he was dreaming about with a dragon of his very own.

It was one of the most precious moments I’ve had as a father. (To all of you single readers; I’ve had many amazing moments like this as a parent, btw. That is one of the daily miracles of being a daddy…you get bags of stories like this)

But there is a tragedy woven into the second verse of the song. It broke my heart when I would sing it to my son years ago, and it broke my heart earlier this week:

A dragon lives forever, but not so little boys. Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys. One grey night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more and Puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar. His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain. Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane. Without his lifelong friend, Puff could not be brave, So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave.”

Little boys grow up and forget about the dreams they had when they were toddlers. My son and I were talking about the earliest memory he had. He rattled on about things that happened last week.

“No, Gavin…I mean before that.”

He came up with a story or two from Kindergarten.

Out of the blue, I asked my son about “Puff.” He did not remember the song at all. I realized that it had been years since I sang it to him and somewhere between now and then was that grey night it happened.

My son had grown up just a little bit and had left his old magic world behind forever. 

That stung.

Of course his imagination is just as active as ever. Puff the Magic Dragon has been replaced by the mighty Smog and tales of Hobbits. Noble Kings and Pirate Ships have been replaced by Han Solo and Batman. He still imagines worlds beyond our own, but somewhere in the mists of his imagination lies a forgotten little island called Honah Lee with a very lonely dragon that has been waiting for a little boy who will never return.