1,293 Words For NaNo While Failing My Wife’s ‘Snort Scale’

So, my NaNo challenge is on life support. Since November 1st, I have managed 1,293 words. See, this is why I didn’t officially sign up. I knew I would lag behind, but I’m really proud of the short story Iv’e been working on. I think it’s quirky and a little off beat:

Luchet had been Lar’s best friend since they were roommates at the wizard’s academy, but everyone just called him ‘Lunklump.’ He had failed an attempt to blend mechanical gadgets using a sophisticated alchemy spell and accidently bound himself to a chunk of iron. The Grand Wizard of the academy had to perform another spell to separate him from the ore attached to his posterior, but the name ‘Lunklump’ stuck.  

I thought it was funny, anyway.

On Thursday, I read the whole story to my wife and she didn’t even crack a smile. Usually, I can tell when she is really enjoying something I wrote because she spews coffee out of her nose with a sudden guffaw. Of course, I have to clean up the sofa behind her, but it’s well worth it because I know my work is something special.

I call it the “Snort Scale” and my overall score not only determines which of my posts eventually become linked on HER Facebook (a very important marketing tool because she has WAY more friends than I do) but it also gives me a since of accomplishment.

I think my record on the “Snort Scale” was about an 8.7 and I have the coffee stains to prove it.

But to not even register a smirk? That is like a pitiful 2.4.

“You don’t seem to like it,” I asked her when I finished.

“It’s not one of your best,” she said with brutal honestly.

And that just took the wind out of my sails for NaNo. On Friday I came up with an excuse why I couldn’t get up at 5:00 AM and had to be at work by 10:00 AM on Saturday after an all night poker binge and Sunday was my lazy football day. This morning…well, I don’t have a good excuse for this morning either.

So here I sit, 7 days into my goal to write 16 short stories in 30 days…and I have 1,293 words so far.

But I have good news for you, my faithful readers. I will not disappoint you. I announced that I would publish something by January 1 2012, and (strike a Scarlett O’Hara desperation pose) as God As my witness I shall!

And to sweeten the deal I will further reward your patience with me, I shall post TWO things today. (I have to get to work, otherwise I would do it now) I have a great blog coming up about an art exhibit that is worth about $1.1 million dollars being ruined by a rather dedicated cleaning lady and a congregation of churchgoers who were asked if they would please leave their guns at home before they come to worship.

Oh yeah, it is going to be a dozy!

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3 thoughts on “1,293 Words For NaNo While Failing My Wife’s ‘Snort Scale’

  1. Oh, how I can empathize. My husband is my beta reader and I can tell when things just aren’t catching him. Well, really, that’s just happened once. I said, “How did you like it?” He said, “Not my favorite.” Ouch. It’s back to the drawing board with that one, I guess. Well, I thought it was amusing, too. Keep at it and I’m holding you to your January 1st deadline. 🙂

  2. Oh, how you exaggerate! I told you that it wasn’t my favorite but it well could have been my mood! Now I’m to blame for you not getting you sorry a$% out of bed in the morning?! So not fair! No more using me for an excuse! Get up when that alarm clock goes up and WRITE!! 🙂

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