I Just Found Out My Kid Is An Illegitimate, Freckled-Faced Step-child!

Which is really gauche because I have dark Italian hair and my wife is a Nordic blonde.

*Awkward moment of silence*

The good news is that my wife is off the hook. I’m not talking about a little mulatto baby that is suddenly born to a happy suburban white couple. I’m talking about my child. The infant I brought into this world and have been nurturing since the spring of 2003. I guess Jr. has a birthday coming up…I should bake a cake. Or toss him out on the garbage heap of “Bad Ideas” and abandon the little bugger there to starve.

I’m talking about my story.  You know, the break out first time novel that was going to allow me to retire at 35 on a yacht where I could sail off into the sunset and write the second book on an island filled with naked natives and just email the completed manuscript to my agent in between sips of coconut rum? I guess my story isn’t quite the prodigy yet I had hoped. But there is still time!

After so long, our stories do begin to feel like peeving little children…and there is one thing that I know after being a real parent for over 10 years …our emotions range in a complicated arch from abandon  love to annoyance and sometimes even temptations of infanticide.

Enough of the double meanings. In case you’ve not got it by now, please don’t call CPS on me. I’m talking about my 10-minute “pitch” to an agent at the last writer’s conference I attended this past weekend. I guess it was not as well received by the literary agent as I had once dreamed and to date, there is no book deal held up in negotiations. She promised to “look over” my query letter when she got back to New York. LOL…why does it sound like one of those bad excuses I used to get in High School when I would ask a girl out? 

Anyway, I don’t mean to say the conference was a total wash. I networked with LOTS of fascinating people who inspired me to start this…a blog and ‘Vous y aller’ …I’m blogging.  I also hooked up with a writer’s group I’m excited to join on Saturday. I’m glad I went. I know I learned a lot and look forward to next year, but still…part of me was disappointed I was not one of those lucky ones that was able to impress the socks off of half a dozen different agents who spent the next 48 hours fighting over me.

So here is my question: Do you have any horror stories and/or disappointments after a Writer’s Conference? I would love to hear awkward moments, ‘open mouth, insert foot’ slip ups, and overall flubs we as humans are so gifted at performing on a regular basis.

Of course, if you want to go all “Pollyanna” on me, you can tell me how you turned your lemons into lemonade and the sun really did come out tomorrow.

Betcha Bottom Dollar!

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5 thoughts on “I Just Found Out My Kid Is An Illegitimate, Freckled-Faced Step-child!

  1. Congrats on the new blog. Definitely needed these days w/ all the changes to publishing. Next up? Twitter.

    So many of us see that yacht and sunset until the reality sinks in. We can get there. It just takes more work! Good day.

  2. Thank you Clay! Yes, Twitter is next on my “to-do” list as soon as I figure out how to use it effectively ! I’m also looking into one of those snazzy new phones that would help me manage the Twitter/FB/Blog more efficiently than the outdated model I have right now.

    I I do get that yacht and private little island someday in the future, I’ll be sure to let you know the coordinates. We’ll have a beach party and play volleyball or limbo or something!

  3. My first writer conference was last March and at the time I wasn’t ready for pitching, so I just went to see what it was all about. This year, my friend and I have tickets to World Fantasy Con in San Diego, but I’m not sure how much opportunity I’ll have there to pitch or if I’ll even be ready by then. I do know the prospect of doing it terrifies me! So congrats on your attempts to actually do it.

    While at MidSouthCon in Memphis last year, I did get to talk to editors from Samhain and Pyr Books. My top pick in who I’d eventually like to pitch to is Lou Anders with Pyr. I love the attention he gives to cover art for the books he signs. Not that it’s the most important thing about getting published, but it is one of my favorite parts.

    Add me as a friend when you get on Twitter. It’s a good place to network, so you should take the leap.

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